i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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