i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
