So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
