If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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