He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
