im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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