his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
