Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
