The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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