hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
