I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
