i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
