Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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