smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
