haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Boobs speak an international language.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize