When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
