We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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