my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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