i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i drank out of a bidet.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
