I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
