pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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