I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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