i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
