Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
