then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
