I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
