WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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