I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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