Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
