i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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