I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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