I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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