we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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