guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one two three fourrrrnication!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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