He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
