6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
FUCK WHALES
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