I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
