I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
