So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
