I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize