and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize