don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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