Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize