I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
