Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
