So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
