After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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