FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
