True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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