I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
