Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she peed on how many people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
