Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
