that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
