i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
