I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
