i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
