Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
