i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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