Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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