The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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