grandma shit on top of the toilet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
