I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
