I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
