I wanna bring you to show and tell
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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