At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
