grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
