i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize