Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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