I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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