is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
3pm strippers are depressing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
