dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
