do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
