Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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